


Espresso Depresso

by moonlight_mist



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Everyone Is Gay, How Do I Tag, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, chatfic, mlm, once I figure out what the fuck I’m doing, wlw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-05
Updated: 2019-07-05
Packaged: 2020-06-15 05:15:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 974
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19605514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonlight_mist/pseuds/moonlight_mist
Summary: Kaede creates a group chat for the sake of bonding. Predictably, it goes wrong, because Kokichi doesn’t really do “bonding.”————Believe it or not, God is gay: Though your name is… questionable.anime yum: Eh. It’s better than Kaito’sgonna chase that sweet sweet alien ass: EXCUSE ME??gonna chase that sweet sweet alien ass:gonna chase that sweet sweet alien ass: Yeah on second thought you’re probably right





	Espresso Depresso

**Kaede Akamatsu has created a chat!**

**Kaede Akamatsu has named the chat “Class 79”**

**Kaede Akamatsu:** Hey guys!

**Kaede Akamatsu:** I made this chat so that we could all bond and become better friends!

**Kaede Akamatsu:** Since school just started and we don’t know each other that well, I hope we can use this chat to get to know each other better!

**Kokichi Ouma:** :)

**Kokichi Ouma has changed 16 names**

**Avocado toast:** WHY

**depressed af:** someone please fucking kill me

**Buggaboo:** Gonta does not understand his name. 

**espresso depresso:** …

**espresso depresso:** Honestly? I’m not even mad. It’s too accurate for me to be mad.

**g o r l s:** HA! All of you degenerate males have such stupid names.

**g o r l s:** I actually like my name!

**incest is wincest:** Speak for yourself.

**incest is wincest:** I mention my sister to Kokichi  _ one time _ and this is what I get

**this house is a fUCKING NIGHTMARE:** Kokichi, really. This is highly unprofessional.

**grape flavored hellspawn:** sorry mom~

**Gonna chase that sweet sweet alien ass:**

**Gonna chase that sweet sweet alien ass:** W H Y

**Bippity boppity bitch:** Nyeh

**Bippity boppity bitch:** What a pain

**g o r l s:** Himiko!

**g o r l s:** Do you feel uncomfortable? Do you need me to beat up any degenerate males?

**espresso depresso:** I think I speak on the behalf of every male here when I say to please not do that

**espresso depresso:** Feel free to punch Kokichi though

**grape flavored hellspawn:** Betrayed by my beloved Shumai!

**grape flavored hellspawn:** How you wound me, Shuichi!

**espresso depresso:** Kokichi, I can see you fake crying.

**grape flavored hellspawn:** It was worth a shot!

**Choke me daddy:**

**literal keysmash:** Oh shit

**Avocado toast:** I’d know that characteristically rage-filled silence anywhere

**gonna chase that sweet sweet alien ass:** Maki Roll!

**grape flavored hellspawn:** Shit shit gotta run

**grape flavored hellspawn has left the chat**

**Choke me daddy changed their name to “Kokichi you’re dead”**

**Kokichi you’re dead has left the chat**

**espresso depresso:** … was that the sound of running I just heard

**espresso depresso:** ...combined with someone blasting the sonic theme song on max volume?

**anime yum:** Oh yeah, the theme song was me.

**anime yum:** It felt appropriate

**Believe it or not, God is gay:** Atua has never been more proud of you, Tsumugi!

**Believe it or not, God is gay:** Though your name is… questionable.

**anime yum:** Eh. It’s better than Kaito’s

**gonna chase that sweet sweet alien ass:** EXCUSE ME??

**gonna chase that sweet sweet alien ass:**

**gonna chase that sweet sweet alien ass:** Yeah on second thought you’re probably right

**grape flavored hellspawn has entered the chat**

**grape flavored hellspawn:** pplllkease sssennnddd helnlppp I’mmmmm hiding in a closeitett

**grape flavored hellspawn:** SHIT SHIT SHIT

**grape flavored hellspawn has left the chat**

**espresso depresso:** Did Maki just kill Kokichi

**depressed af:** God I wish that were me

**literal keysmash changed to chat name to “RIP Kokichi”**

**Kokichi you’re dead has entered the chat**

**gonna chase that sweet sweet alien ass:** Maki, he better not be dead!

**gonna chase that sweet sweet alien ass:** You know the rules! No murder until Thursday!

**Kokichi you’re dead:**

**Kokichi you’re dead:** ...fine.

**depressed af:** I can’t wait until Thursday

**Literal keysmash:** No! You shouldn’t say that!

**this house is a fUCKING NIGHTMARE:** Could everyone please say their name? Kokichi’s username choices are confusing.

**this house is a fUCKING NIGHTMARE:** I am Kirumi, for those who couldn’t guess.

**literal keysmash:** I’m Kaede!

**Believe it or not, God is gay:** Angie

**Avocado toast:** Rantaro, yo

**depressed af:** Ryoma

**anime yum:** Tsumugi

**g o r l s:** Tenko!!

**Bippity boppity bitch:** Himiko

**Incest is wincest:** Korekiyo

**espresso depresso:** Shuichi 

**gonna chase that sweet sweet alien ass:** Kaito Momota, luminary of the stars!

**Kokichi you’re dead:** Maki.

**Kokichi you’re dead:** Kokichi can’t respond right now, but you all know his username anyway.

**Buggaboo:** Gonta is here too!

**Buggaboo:** Gonta do not really understand what going on, but Gonta is happy to be with friends!

**anime yum:** Gonta you’re doing great sweetie

**Kokichi you’re dead:** I officially hate all of you except Gonta

**gonna chase that sweet sweet alien ass:** Even me, Maki Roll?

**Kokichi you’re dead:** Especially you.

**Avocado toast:** Big oof

**literal keysmash:** RIP Kaito

**espresso depresso:** F

**Avocado toast:** F

**this house is a fUCKING NIGHTMARE:** F

**literal keysmash:** F

**Believe it or not, God is gay:** F

**depressed af:** F

**anime yum:** F

**g o r l s:** F

**Bippity boppity bitch:** F

**Incest is wincest:** F

**Buggaboo:** Gonta do not understand… why everyone saying f?

**anime yum:** Shhhh just go along with it

**Buggaboo:** Then… f?

**This house is a fUCKING NIGHTMARE:** Out of curiousity, where are Miu and Keebo?

**literal keysmash:** I think they said something about repairs??

**literal keysmash:** I think Miu roped in Kazuichi from class 77 as well

**bippity boppity bitch:** This’ll be a disaster

**Avocado toast:** Two horny mechanics vs one robot?? Keebo’ll be lucky if he comes out alive

**Avocado toast:** Or at least, as alive as a robot can be

**anime yum:** tHaT’s rObOpHoBiC

**literal keysmash:** Hey, you guys shouldn’t make fun of Keebo like that!!

**literal keysmash:** I know he’s not a real human, but we should still treat him with respect.

**grape flavored hellspawn has entered the chat**

**grape flavored hellspawn:** Ooh, Kaede’s defending Kee-boy? 

**Kokichi you’re dead:** How the fuck did you get your phone back, you little bitch gremlin?

**grape flavored hellspawn:** Nishishi~

**grape flavored hellspawn:** Maybe I chewed through the ropes? Maybe I used laser vision?

**grape flavored hellspawn:** I’ll never tell!

**grape flavored hellspawn:** And by the way, the “bitch gremlin” comment was so underserved!

**grape flavored hellspawn:** God, Maki! You’re so mean!

**literal keysmash:**

  
**literal keysmash:** This is gonna be a long year

**Author's Note:**

> Shuichi- espresso depresso  
> Kaito- Gonna chase that sweet sweet alien ass  
> Maki- kokichi you’re dead  
> Ryoma- depressed af   
> Kaede- literal keysmash  
> Rantaro- avocado toast  
> Tsumugi- anime yum  
> Kirumi- this house is a fUCKING NIGHTMARE  
> Kokichi- grape flavored hellspawn  
> Gonta- buggaboo   
> Miu- tater thots  
> Tenko- g o r l s  
> Himiko- bippity boppity bitch  
> Korekiyo- incest is wincest  
> Angie- believe it or not, God is gay  
> KI-B0 - beep boop binch


End file.
